It’s been a little while since my last post.  I just seem to have lost interest in keeping up.

We just got back from a week in Colorado.  I hesitated to go, but since it was more of a family vacation, we went.  I sure missed my little man when I was there.

We got Masons death certificate last week.  I guess it’s official now.  Now my broke ass can get the little life insurance money on him and I can afford to get the headstone built and set.  I could borrow the money from my parents, but it just wouldn’t be the same.  So I wait.

I’m still just so damned angry.  What good could possibly come of this?  I’m fucking sick and tired of seeing everyone else just go on.  I come in to work (were I USED to be the funny guy, making smartass comments all the time) and just get pissed off at people who expect me to be the same old me.

THAT guy died April 7th.

Didn’t they get the memo???

Don’t they understand?????




We got the call today.  Finally found out what the Cause Of Death was.

Severe Coronary Artery Disease – due to transplant, or Coronary Allograft Vasculopathy.

He had been having little spells for the last few months of his life.  Mason tended to be overly dramatic about most things, so we never really knew how bad it was.  He would have spells where he would get really dizzy and nauseated.  He’d go vomit and 2 minutes later, he was back to his old self.  Jumping and bouncing off the walls like a wild man.

He had his annual biopsy just this past October.  He was 9 years out.  Biopsy results looked great.  Again.  Just like they always had.

Evidently, this SEVERE CAV comes on rapidly. Even if we had known what it was, we probably could not have done anything about it.  We could have taken him in to the hospital and he would have spent the majority of his last few months on this earth in the hospital, instead of with us.

I’m glad I didn’t know.

I wish I would have known.

Oh, Mason.  I am so very sorry I didn’t protect you like I was supposed to.  I failed.  I am so very sorry, son.  

I Love You.

I Miss You.