Monday

It’s been a little while since my last post.  I just seem to have lost interest in keeping up.

We just got back from a week in Colorado.  I hesitated to go, but since it was more of a family vacation, we went.  I sure missed my little man when I was there.

We got Masons death certificate last week.  I guess it’s official now.  Now my broke ass can get the little life insurance money on him and I can afford to get the headstone built and set.  I could borrow the money from my parents, but it just wouldn’t be the same.  So I wait.

I’m still just so damned angry.  What good could possibly come of this?  I’m fucking sick and tired of seeing everyone else just go on.  I come in to work (were I USED to be the funny guy, making smartass comments all the time) and just get pissed off at people who expect me to be the same old me.

THAT guy died April 7th.

Didn’t they get the memo???

Don’t they understand?????

FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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3 thoughts on “Monday

  1. The only people that will ever understand that you are forever changed are fellow bereaved parents. I am sorry that you and your family have to forever live with the soul numbing absence of your son Mason. I wish I could tell you that it gets easier but it doesn't. It just gets different. I know that probably doesn't provide any solace at all as I didn't take any when I was told that very early into my grief from losing my son Charlie but I have lived it and now I know it. Everyday hurts. And they always will.

    • Thanks for the comment. Like you said, only those that have been there truly know. Others can’t even imagine it. Mason was somewhat of a sickly child when he was real young, especially before the transplant. We had been told on several occasions that “things did not look good” for him and we tried to prepare ourselves mentally for that event. The worst I ever imagined was not even close to what it really feels like. I tell people that it is a physical pain. There is an open wound in my chest and it will NEVER heal. Every day, it hurts. Some more than others.

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