Too Early

I am very devoted to my work.  I work when I don’t have to.  Work is always on my mind.  It just seems natural.

The work that I do, I am kind of a one man show.  I have several people that I depend on to help me make my obligations, but the end result that I supply to my clients, I am the go-to guy.  Now, I am not tooting my own horn here.  There are lots of people out there like me, and they are in similar situations.  I guess what I am saying is, there’s not anybody that can just come in and take over seamlessly where I left off with out a lot of time being invested.  And time is something we don’t have.

When Mason died, my boss told me to take all the time I needed.  While that was a very kind gesture, it wasn’t really practical.  Mason died on April 7th, 2012.  I had a MAJOR project kicking off on April 12th.  It would last for a planned 36 days.

We buried Mason on April 12th.  I took the 13th, a Friday, no less, off to gather my things and head out of town to go back to work.

On Saturday, I returned to work.  While in one regard it was a blessing, I had lots to do and kept my mind busy.  On the other hand, it was a HUGE mistake.  I should have been home and letting things sink in.  In hindsight, I would have asked my boss to bring someone else in.  I could spend a day or two with them and get them the basics down and they could have limped through it.  I really wasn’t doing them any good anyway.

After the project was complete, I took 2 weeks off to be at home.  It just wasn’t the same.  My wife was already somewhat ‘used’ to being at home without Mason.  I was just starting that phase.  I was jealous that she was farther along in the grieving process than I was.

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