“Full of broken thoughts, I cannot repair”

Each day seems to get harder and harder. I miss my boy and nothing will ever bring him back.

Mason was my shadow for 11 years.  I try not to compare losses.  I am curious though as to the differences in them (if there are any).

Like a miscarriage.  Brandi was pregnant earlier this year.  We lost the baby just before Mason passed.  Was that the same?  To me it wasn’t.  And yet it was.  I was very upset over losing the pregnancy.  It paled in comparison to losing Mason.

Fortunately, I haven’t lost any other children.  I hope I never have to.  Don’t know if I could survive that (more on this later).

My uncle passed away last year.  His mother, my grandmother, is still alive and kicking.  Going strong for the most part.  I have wanted to talk with her about it, but I really don’t know what to say.  Like me, she has lost a child.  Granted, her ‘child’ was 67 years old.  But it was still her child.

Is there any difference?  Miscarriage?  Stillbirth?  Infant?  Toddler?  Child?  Teenager?  Young Adult?  Adult?  Senior?  I don’t know.  While I am curious, I really don’t want to know.  If I have learned anything about this whole ordeal, it is this.  You don’t “KNOW” until it has happened to you.  I don’t want to experience that again.  I can’t experience it again.

I Love You, Son.  I Miss You So Very Much.


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