I can’t get past it. Probably never will.
In my head, I know that it’s bullshit.
In my heart, I feel like I failed Mason. I did not protect him. The only job I had to do, the only thing I had to do for Mason was protect him. I failed. It’s really that simple. He died. Other kids are still alive. Other dads still have their kids. They are protecting them. My son is dead. I failed him and he is gone. Forever.
How the fuck am I supposed to live with myself?
I’m also dealing with some horrific thoughts as well. Every time I close my eyes here lately, I think about my poor boy in the casket, in the ground, rotting. I can see him. I can see the…… Nevermind.
I’m hurting. The day can’t come fast enough that I can rest next to him.
And yet, I NEED to be here for Isabella. I WANT to be here for Isabella. I WILL be here for Isabella.