FAIL!!!!!!!!!

I can’t get past it.  Probably never will.

In my head, I know that it’s bullshit.

In my heart, I feel like I failed Mason.  I did not protect him.  The only job I had to do, the only thing I had to do for Mason was protect him.  I failed.  It’s really that simple.  He died.  Other kids are still alive.  Other dads still have their kids.  They are protecting them.  My son is dead.  I failed him and he is gone.  Forever.

How the fuck am I supposed to live with myself?

I’m also dealing with some horrific thoughts as well.  Every time I close my eyes here lately, I think about my poor boy in the casket, in the ground, rotting.  I can see him.  I can see the……  Nevermind.

I’m hurting.  The day can’t come fast enough that I can rest next to him.

And yet, I NEED to be here for Isabella.  I WANT to be here for Isabella.  I WILL be here for Isabella.

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